My story about the combination of large Fabriano paper and charcoal began around 2018.
I was on an Access to Higher Education: Art and Design course so I could begin my journey on the Fine Art Degree at the University of Chester. I didn't feel good enough to do art, I was lost and had no ideas and no creativity. But the teachers helped me, not in the way they do in secondary school, they challenged me. I had a project and when coming into college I forgot a task the teacher wanted me to do so I quickly took a beer bottle from the grey bin and smashed it. My project was about isolation and that immediately drawn me to mental health, so I got the bottle and started taking pictures of it in my hand and by my neck. This was not to make fun of mental health but create anticipation within my drawings, I wanted the audience to not just walk past my piece, I wanted them to panic and try and understand why someone and how they could paint something that interpreted such an emotional connection.
After printing the images and handing them to the teacher as if I bothered with the task, he then took me to the life drawing room and shoved charcoal in my hand. I was confused when he pointed to the Fabriano paper on the wall and said get drawing and handed me the photograph I had taken that morning. I was lost and I panicked thinking I couldn't do it, what did he expect? it was going to be horrible etc etc.
This memory is really important to me because this is where I found myself, I found my art medium that I could work with as if it's me and I found a piece of myself that I didn't think was rubbish or that I wasn't good at. I gained confidence and I challenged myself. I took the charcoal and the fixing spray and the rubber, I just got on with it.
After this day I have not stopped working in a large scale form. In fact, all I have done since 2018 is thrive and strengthen my skills to the point where I am confident and happy with my work and with me. This post is to remind you art students who haven't found their art medium or passion/skill. You need to be patient, it is not gonna be handed to you as soon as you say you want it and you are ready, you need to develop your experiences and learn. Through that, you will find an interest, you will find a skill you want to develop further and you will find an art medium or more to explore and experiment with throughout many years. It is about developing confidence, going out of your comfort zone and working with others. If you do none of that then you will never learn and develop, you will only have you, which isn't a problem but it restricts your creativity and confidence.
So when a teacher hands you a task that you are uncomfortable with, try to push yourself and work with them. They obviously had faith that you could achieve something so don't doubt yourself. Work hard and show them that you can do it but you can also do more!
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